Blogger's Rant

Well Guys. Another Year has come and gone and its about that time of the year when you have to look at yourself and see what you have learned and accomplished this year.

Well where do I get started telling you guys how much I been through this year. I guess I should start a little past a year. I left a four-year relationship, which was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It wasn't because I didn't love him because I still do but we didn't see eye to eye at the time. I think we went through allot and we needed to grow at the moment so I left. Now I don't regret the choice one bit even though I miss him terribly. The reason I don't regret it is because we both grew and became better people because of it. It a shame we can talk about our problems now better than we were together. The good thing is that we are still friends and still have a good relationship. I think we might be co-dependent to each other (I think is because we spent 4 years without one day apart). Now he was my first love and no one can take that away (even though people had tried). Now we both have move on and dated other people and I'm glad. Maybe we will find in other people where we couldn't find with each other. I am very proud of him because he is growing to be a great person. Sometimes I wonder. Why do people become who you want them to be when we are no longer together.

Then after that I met a great guy. I things were going great. Things came to an end when things were the best in our relationship. Who know maybe it was wrong timing. Now I'm not going to go into details of it but if you know me then you know what when on. But just remember, "You might think you know but you have no idea." Now that is all I'm going to say about that out of respect.

Now after two fail relationships I had to wonder if I would ever find someone to love.
Well I figure I do something with my time. I traveled all over the U.S. since I never had a chance to experience that before. Now in between my travels I had my heart broken and torn by the one's I loved. I came to one hard conclusion. When I'm hurt I get really angry and I don't like to let things go. I always remember the good times and that keeps me attach to the things we once had and the angry times keep me from letting things go. Now I'm not saying that I didn't my own part in the break ups. I'm sometimes a hard person to get along with, but I'm usually very sweet, ask anyone. This is something so hard to struggle with. Now guys I'm far from perfect. I never claim to be. But if anyone needs helps I always come to the rescue no matter how much I hate the person.

I think every time I get my heart broken I wonder how could someone that loves me or claim to love me can hurt me? I think maybe its because they are hurt themselves and that is how allot of people deal with their pain. See and this hurts even more because I expect people to act like me which I think is unfair in my part. I would never hurt another person just to hurt them. Why do that to the one's you love. But oh well this is a lesson learned.

My last trip to New Orleans I went to get my head cleared. I needed it. I had a great time with my best friends. Thanks guys. My one friend has a way to put my life in perspective and I thank him everyday that he is in my life and my fag hag just put things in a different light. Thank god for her thinking.

I even got a puppy in the middle of my soul searching. I love Toby dearly. He has brought me allot of joy in my life. And for foxy love she is still alive and kicking.

Now during my last heartache I cried like I never cried before. (I listen to allot of Mary J blige, Alicia Keys, Rhianna, you guys get the picture). When the tears dried and I put my life together. I came to a realization maybe I meant to be alone. I just stop looking.

Now for the first time in my life I found myself alone. Holding on to the good times I once had. Now no matter how bad things got towards the end I still held on to those times. I couldn't move on. I was so down.

Then what does a boy do when he's down. He calls his mother. My mom told me. " Boy don't look back not even to get a head start. Just keep moving forward things will get better it always does." Now imagine this in Spanish because you know my mom fights speaking English.

Then I got the thinking she is right. I don't have to fight the love I have for other people. If someone is on your mind they are supposed to be there. Why fight it. If they are there they must have meant something to you in the first place. Once I realize that I was finally in peace.
What's funny? I'm very lucky in life. I think is just god's way of thanking me for the ruff childhood. Also I'm a very good friend and I think that counts for something. Now in the men department is no exception.

Now before this I was given the option to turn back or move forward. I moved forward and I had my reasons.

Just when I stop looking this great guy steps into my life. Now I was very cautious stepping into this relationship. I took my time to get to know him instead of just jumping into a relationship like I have done in the past. We did the date thing and so on and you know what it paid off. He is and incredible guy. He is patient with me and god knows he needs it. I can be hard to handle when in a bad mood. I thank the lucky stars for him. He worships the ground I walk on and never questions it. One big thing I adore in a loving relationship is the ability for someone to do something for me even if they don't want to just to make me happy. And he has that (I'm talking about just about watching a movie you know your man really would hate watching ha ha). Now you know who you are Angel. I don't want to embarrass you too much.
Before you say anything. Bitches I didn't forget about you. I have to say I thank god for every one of you. I spent the New Year like I wanted. With people that love me and that I love them. So in recap.
What have a learned this year?
1 Never give up hope. Things do get better.

2 Never believe what people say most of the time its not true.

3. Forget the sorrows because they are so many and celebrate the good times because they are so few (yes this a line from Queer as Folk)

4. Stop looking for what you want. If your busy running to try to find it how could it ever find you.

And last but defiantly not least. I'm a good person. Yes people might hate me because I speak my mind but I know for a fact that every time someone needed me and I was there. I do anything for the people I care about and I am a great human being.

Well guys until next time I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely yours,

Just plain old Jay

I wonder if I believe in Fairy Tales

I wonder if I believe in fairy tales.I sometimes catch myself daydreaming at the oddest places about how my life would be if I married someone wonderful. I know this sounds silly specially coming from a gay man. But I dream about this more lately for some odd reason. It could be because so many people got married this year. My brothers are married and made their life and I find myself feeling jealous of what they have. I want what they have with a guy. I have dreamed the perfect proposal. The guy will pick the perfect ring. He would take his time picking the right one. In my mind the ring it perfect. In my mind I wouldn't care what it cost because he would of taken his time and thoughts of his love for me would've come to him as he picked it.He would proposed to me on a chilly early spring afternoon before the sun set next to the river. At the wedding there be only our closest family and friends. I would be wearing all white and black and he would be wearing black and white. We would recite our vows to each other while trying to hold back the tears.At the reception I even know the song I would sing to him thanking him for choosing me. I would cry during our first dance as a married couple. We will live happily ever after as a family and maybe would raise a kid of our own. I know this sounds tacky but a guy is allowed to dream. Since I have spent some time by myself today and as everyone knows when I'm by myself I think allot. I was thinking do I believe the fairytales I made up in my head. Can a guy be my prince? I'm I just an endless romantic? Or is my life just a big soap opera that doesn't go anywhere but its full of drama? I'm not sure sometimes but I do know this much. I think I'm up to a good start. I learned to let go. Live life one day at a time. Let myself be loved by someone who really cares about me and that I'm their center of their universe. Keep friendships that mean the world to me. I have to remember and remind myself every day. I do believe in fairytales because when you reach for the stars sometime you find yourself getting one.

Show 4 (Kitty Night)

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Show 4 Show too big divided in two. Music by Jasmine Ash (Start Over) and Joe Sibol (Hey Sexy Girls. Today I talk about where I been, Kitty Night at Woodys, and Pride Idol.

Song of the Week

Song of the week. If you like this artist please support him.

Download "Hurt Me" (mp3)
from "Electric Charge"
by Eden James
eSunset Records

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More On This Album

Show Number 2

Show number two.

Click to enjoy me talking!!

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Music By Udaufl (The most precious Love). I talk about how gay guys can be cunty and other stuff on my mind

Look at this before you vote next time!!

How They Voted
by The Associated Press

Posted: May 3, 2007 - 2:30 pm ET

(Washington) The 237-180 roll call Thursday by which the House passed the To provide Federal assistance to States, local jurisdictions, and Indian tribes to prosecute hate crimes.

A "yes" vote is a vote to pass the bill.

Voting yes were 212 Democrats and 25 Republicans.

Voting no were 14 Democrats and 166 Republicans.

X denotes those not voting.

There are 2 vacancies in the 435-member House.



ALABAMA

Democrats - Cramer, N; Davis, Y.

Republicans - Aderholt, N; Bachus, N; Bonner, N; Everett, N; Rogers, N.



ALASKA

Republicans - Young, N.



ARIZONA

Democrats - Giffords, Y; Grijalva, Y; Mitchell, Y; Pastor, Y.

Republicans - Flake, N; Franks, N; Renzi, N; Shadegg, N.



ARKANSAS

Democrats - Berry, N; Ross, N; Snyder, Y.

Republicans - Boozman, N.



CALIFORNIA

Democrats - Baca, Y; Becerra, Y; Berman, Y; Capps, Y; Cardoza, Y; Costa, Y; Davis, Y; Eshoo, Y; Farr, Y; Filner, Y; Harman, Y; Honda, Y; Lantos, Y; Lee, Y; Lofgren, Zoe, Y; Matsui, Y; McNerney, Y; Miller, George, Y; Napolitano, Y; Pelosi, Y; Roybal-Allard, Y; Sanchez, Linda T., Y; Sanchez, Loretta, Y; Schiff, Y; Sherman, Y; Solis, Y; Stark, Y; Tauscher, Y; Thompson, Y; Waters, Y; Watson, Y; Waxman, Y; Woolsey, Y.

Republicans - Bilbray, N; Bono, Y; Calvert, N; Campbell, N; Doolittle, N; Dreier, N; Gallegly, N; Herger, N; Hunter, X; Issa, N; Lewis, N; Lungren, Daniel E., N; McCarthy, N; McKeon, N; Miller, Gary, N; Nunes, N; Radanovich, X; Rohrabacher, N; Royce, N.



COLORADO

Democrats - DeGette, Y; Perlmutter, Y; Salazar, Y; Udall, Y.

Republicans - Lamborn, N; Musgrave, N; Tancredo, X.



CONNECTICUT

Democrats - Courtney, Y; DeLauro, Y; Larson, Y; Murphy, Y.

Republicans - Shays, Y.



DELAWARE

Republicans - Castle, Y.



FLORIDA

Democrats - Boyd, Y; Brown, Corrine, Y; Castor, Y; Hastings, Y; Klein, Y; Mahoney, Y; Meek, Y; Wasserman Schultz, Y; Wexler, Y.

Republicans - Bilirakis, N; Brown-Waite, Ginny, N; Buchanan, N; Crenshaw, N; Diaz-Balart, L., Y; Diaz-Balart, M., Y; Feeney, N; Keller, N; Mack, N; Mica, N; Miller, N; Putnam, N; Ros-Lehtinen, Y; Stearns, N; Weldon, N; Young, N.



GEORGIA

Democrats - Barrow, Y; Bishop, Y; Johnson, Y; Lewis, Y; Marshall, Y; Scott, Y.

Republicans - Deal, N; Gingrey, X; Kingston, N; Linder, N; Price, N; Westmoreland, N.



HAWAII

Democrats - Abercrombie, Y; Hirono, Y.



IDAHO

Republicans - Sali, N; Simpson, N.



ILLINOIS

Democrats - Bean, Y; Costello, Y; Davis, Y; Emanuel, Y; Gutierrez, Y; Hare, Y; Jackson, Y; Lipinski, Y; Rush, Y; Schakowsky, Y.

Republicans - Biggert, Y; Hastert, X; Johnson, N; Kirk, Y; LaHood, Y; Manzullo, N; Roskam, N; Shimkus, N; Weller, N.



INDIANA

Democrats - Carson, Y; Donnelly, N; Ellsworth, N; Hill, Y; Visclosky, Y.

Republicans - Burton, N; Buyer, N; Pence, N; Souder, N.



IOWA

Democrats - Boswell, Y; Braley, Y; Loebsack, Y.

Republicans - King, N; Latham, N.



KANSAS

Democrats - Boyda, Y; Moore, Y.

Republicans - Moran, N; Tiahrt, N.



KENTUCKY

Democrats - Chandler, Y; Yarmuth, Y.

Republicans - Davis, N; Lewis, N; Rogers, N; Whitfield, N.



LOUISIANA

Democrats - Jefferson, Y; Melancon, N.

Republicans - Alexander, N; Baker, N; Boustany, N; Jindal, N; McCrery, Y.



MAINE

Democrats - Allen, Y; Michaud, Y.



MARYLAND

Democrats - Cummings, Y; Hoyer, Y; Ruppersberger, Y; Sarbanes, Y; Van Hollen, Y; Wynn, Y.

Republicans - Bartlett, N; Gilchrest, Y.



MASSACHUSETTS

Democrats - Capuano, Y; Delahunt, Y; Frank, Y; Lynch, Y; Markey, Y; McGovern, Y; Meehan, Y; Neal, Y; Olver, Y; Tierney, Y.



MICHIGAN

Democrats - Conyers, Y; Dingell, Y; Kildee, Y; Kilpatrick, Y; Levin, Y; Stupak, Y.

Republicans - Camp, N; Ehlers, N; Hoekstra, N; Knollenberg, N; McCotter, N; Miller, N; Rogers, N; Upton, N; Walberg, N.



MINNESOTA

Democrats - Ellison, Y; McCollum, Y; Oberstar, Y; Peterson, N; Walz, Y.

Republicans - Bachmann, N; Kline, N; Ramstad, N.



MISSISSIPPI

Democrats - Taylor, N; Thompson, Y.

Republicans - Pickering, N; Wicker, N.



MISSOURI

Democrats - Carnahan, Y; Clay, Y; Cleaver, Y; Skelton, Y.

Republicans - Akin, N; Blunt, N; Emerson, N; Graves, X; Hulshof, N.



MONTANA

Republicans - Rehberg, N.



NEBRASKA

Republicans - Fortenberry, N; Smith, N; Terry, N.



NEVADA

Democrats - Berkley, Y.

Republicans - Heller, N; Porter, Y.



NEW HAMPSHIRE

Democrats - Hodes, Y; Shea-Porter, Y.



NEW JERSEY

Democrats - Andrews, Y; Holt, Y; Pallone, Y; Pascrell, Y; Payne, Y; Rothman, Y; Sires, Y.

Republicans - Ferguson, Y; Frelinghuysen, Y; Garrett, N; LoBiondo, Y; Saxton, Y; Smith, N.



NEW MEXICO

Democrats - Udall, Y.

Republicans - Pearce, N; Wilson, N.



NEW YORK

Democrats - Ackerman, Y; Arcuri, Y; Bishop, Y; Clarke, Y; Crowley, Y; Engel, X; Gillibrand, Y; Hall, Y; Higgins, Y; Hinchey, Y; Israel, Y; Lowey, Y; Maloney, Y; McCarthy, Y; McNulty, Y; Meeks, Y; Nadler, Y; Rangel, Y; Serrano, Y; Slaughter, Y; Towns, Y; Velazquez, Y; Weiner, Y.

Republicans - Fossella, N; King, N; Kuhl, Y; McHugh, N; Reynolds, N; Walsh, Y.



NORTH CAROLINA

Democrats - Butterfield, Y; Etheridge, Y; McIntyre, N; Miller, Y; Price, Y; Shuler, N; Watt, Y.

Republicans - Coble, N; Foxx, N; Hayes, N; Jones, N; McHenry, N; Myrick, N.



NORTH DAKOTA

Democrats - Pomeroy, Y.



OHIO

Democrats - Jones, Y; Kaptur, Y; Kucinich, Y; Ryan, Y; Space, Y; Sutton, Y; Wilson, Y.

Republicans - Boehner, N; Chabot, N; Gillmor, N; Hobson, N; Jordan, N; LaTourette, N; Pryce, Y; Regula, N; Schmidt, N; Tiberi, N; Turner, N.



OKLAHOMA

Democrats - Boren, N.

Republicans - Cole, N; Fallin, N; Lucas, N; Sullivan, N.



OREGON

Democrats - Blumenauer, Y; DeFazio, Y; Hooley, Y; Wu, Y.

Republicans - Walden, Y.



PENNSYLVANIA

Democrats - Altmire, Y; Brady, Y; Carney, N; Doyle, Y; Fattah, X; Holden, Y; Kanjorski, Y; Murphy, Patrick, Y; Murtha, Y; Schwartz, Y; Sestak, Y.

Republicans - Dent, Y; English, Y; Gerlach, Y; Murphy, Tim, N; Peterson, N; Pitts, N; Platts, Y; Shuster, N.



RHODE ISLAND

Democrats - Kennedy, Y; Langevin, Y.



SOUTH CAROLINA

Democrats - Clyburn, Y; Spratt, Y.

Republicans - Barrett, N; Brown, N; Inglis, N; Wilson, N.



SOUTH DAKOTA

Democrats - Herseth Sandlin, Y.



TENNESSEE

Democrats - Cohen, Y; Cooper, Y; Davis, Lincoln, N; Gordon, N; Tanner, X.

Republicans - Blackburn, N; Davis, David, N; Duncan, N; Wamp, N.



TEXAS

Democrats - Cuellar, Y; Doggett, Y; Edwards, Y; Gonzalez, Y; Green, Al, Y; Green, Gene, Y; Hinojosa, Y; Jackson-Lee, Y; Johnson, E. B., X; Lampson, X; Ortiz, X; Reyes, Y; Rodriguez, Y.

Republicans - Barton, N; Brady, N; Burgess, N; Carter, N; Conaway, N; Culberson, N; Gohmert, N; Granger, N; Hall, N; Hensarling, N; Johnson, Sam, N; Marchant, N; McCaul, N; Neugebauer, N; Paul, X; Poe, N; Sessions, N; Smith, N; Thornberry, N.



UTAH

Democrats - Matheson, Y.

Republicans - Bishop, N; Cannon, N.



VERMONT

Democrats - Welch, Y.



VIRGINIA

Democrats - Boucher, Y; Moran, Y; Scott, Y.

Republicans - Cantor, N; Davis, Jo Ann, X; Davis, Tom, N; Drake, N; Forbes, N; Goode, N; Goodlatte, N; Wolf, N.



WASHINGTON

Democrats - Baird, Y; Dicks, Y; Inslee, Y; Larsen, Y; McDermott, Y; Smith, Y.

Republicans - Hastings, N; McMorris Rodgers, X; Reichert, Y.



WEST VIRGINIA

Democrats - Mollohan, Y; Rahall, Y.

Republicans - Capito, N.



WISCONSIN

Democrats - Baldwin, Y; Kagen, Y; Kind, Y; Moore, Y; Obey, Y.

Republicans - Petri, N; Ryan, N; Sensenbrenner, N.



WYOMING

Republicans - Cubin, X.

©365Gay.com 2007

Soport this Artist

Hey guys this is the song of the week. Hope you enjoy. If you like this artist please buy their album.

Download "Boys Of Summer" (mp3)
from "A Sense Of Coalition"
by Codeseven
The Music Cartel

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Song of the Week!! Suport this artist!!

Download "Most Precious Love" (mp3)
from "Mix The Vibe: Louie Vega - For The Love Of King Street"
by UDAUFL
King Street Sounds

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• Stream from RealNetworks / Rhapsody

More On This Album

My First Show in a Year!

Well guys I'm back after a year I have taken off. I'm going to make this short and sweet. I have included my latest podcast for you guys to enjoy early since I have alot of work to do to get this podcast up and running again. So I hope you enjoy the show!

Click to enjoy the show!!

Right click and Save target as to download the show!

See you guys next week!!

Song of the Week

Download "Que Tu Quieres" (mp3)
from "Contra El Tiempo"
by Don Miguelo
J&N Records

More On This Album

Support This Artist!!!

Schooled Beneath The Surface

Fishboisfo
Donald Belleville

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• Download "Sex Is Murder (Single)" (MP3, 192kbps)

Prison Break!!!

Arrest Sought in St. Maarten Gay Attack

Arrest Sought in St. Maarten Gay Attack

Monday, April 17, 2006

A gay New Yorker who was beaten with a tire iron on the Dutch Caribbean island of St. Maarten returned here to urge authorities to arrest the "well-known punks" who harmed him and a friend.
Journalists Dick Jefferson, 51, and Ryan Smith, 25, both New Yorkers, were outside a bar with several friends April 6 when three men attacked them. Jefferson, who said the attackers had yelled anti-gay slurs at his friends earlier that evening, has faulted local authorities for not speaking to witnesses the night of the crime or pursuing leads.
"The people who harmed us are well-known punks," he told reporters on his return visit to the island April 14. "People in the community know who these guys are. They are not talking to the police. The entire island is watching something bad happening."
St. Martin Chief Prosecutor Taco Stein said several people have come forward with information and his office was investigating the response time of police officers who went to the crime scene.
Smith and Jefferson, a senior broadcast producer for CBS' national evening news, were airlifted for medical treatment to Miami.
Jefferson, who has been released, said Smith was being treated for brain damage.
Justice would be served "if the men that did this are caught, incarcerated and prosecuted and if when I visit St. Maarten, or my friends that live here, tell me that they are not afraid to go out at night," Jefferson said after meeting with local authorities and the U.S. consul general for the Netherlands Antilles.

Local gay Internet site believed linked to the spread of HIV/STDs

Local gay Internet site believed linked to the spread of HIV/STDs

By Gary Barlow / Staff writer / April 20, 2006

At the urging of Chicago Department of Public Health officials, the City of Chicago slapped a cease-and-desist order on the Lakeview home of an online gay porn site April 20 after concerns were raised about cases of HIV and other STDs tied to the site's models.
Christopher Brown, assistant commissioner for HIV/AIDS/STD programs at CDPH, said health officials acted after uncovering "credible" evidence that models at FlavaWorks.com, which also operated CocoBoyz Dorm Room online, were HIV-positive, were engaging in unsafe sex practices and were spreading HIV, syphilis and gonorrhea through contact with individuals outside the business.
Brown said CDPH's initial involvement came in late December after HIV service providers called CDPH to express "concerns that some of their clients could be seen on the website engaging in unsafe sex."
"We also became aware of cases of HIV linked to some of the models," Brown said.
The business allowed members to go online and view models engaging in sex in a "dorm room" setting that was staged in an apartment at 933 W. Irving Park Road. The models were predominately black and Latino. Members could also pay more to have the models perform specific sex acts.
Chicago's Department of Business Affairs and Licensing issued the cease-and-desist order prohibiting the business from operating at the Irving Park Road location. Brown said CDPH Comm. Terry Moore also plans to issue a cease-and-desist order.
Brown said the business owner had been "less than cooperative" with city officials' efforts to stop the spread of HIV and other diseases and get CocoBoyz models in for counseling, treatment and testing.
"Our main concern was the dorm," Brown said. "Our goal is to immediately look at the models, screen them and address their needs."
By the time city officials and police showed up the morning of April 20, CocoBoyz had already cleared out of the apartment. A man who identified himself as Jackson Robinson, manager of the business, said he and the owner closed it because they knew the city planned to shut it down. Robinson denied the city's charges in a phone interview.
"There's no one HIV-positive in our dorm, so that's untrue," Robinson said. "The models also engage in safe sexual practices."
He said he felt the primary reason the city moved against the porn business was that it didn't have the proper license. He said he'd repeatedly been turned down for a license.
Brown scoffed at Robinson's denials.
"We had evidence and reports from what I would consider credible sources that there was HIV and STDs among the models at CocoBoyz dorm room, and unsafe sex could be viewed right there on the website," Brown said.
Brown stopped short of saying the porn models engaged in prostitution with customers, but said, "Yes, through our conversations, there were individuals who became infected through contact with the models."
There are also allegations that the business used unusual labor contracts with its models, which, according to one source, "at least bordered on illegal servitude." The 30-day contracts allegedly required the models to perform a certain number of sexual acts in exchange for a stipend. But, when the models tried to collect the stipends, they were told they were being charged for such things as food and bed linens, leaving them, in some cases, in debt rather than collecting money. They were then pressured to sign new contracts.
Robinson said the business, which dates back to 1999, is looking for a new home outside Chicago and will reopen "whenever we can be licensed and incorporated somewhere else."

Mini Music Mix Time Delay

Sorry for the delay guys but this is a little gift for you. Mini Music Mix for the road!!! Music by Lady Demo (Ride II), Fishboisfo (Sex is Murder), and Classic Tragic Hero (White Boy Rap). Enjoy!!! Check out my website http://thegayexperience.blogspot.com for all of my shows and extra’s. Look for a new Show tomorrow afternoon.

Click for a dancy time!!!